Leading Through Conflict in Small Churches

From the earliest days of the Church, there has been conflict in congregations. Even while Jesus was with them, the Twelve quarreled about who was the greatest. As the Church grew, conflict continued.

In Jerusalem, Grecian Jews complained against the Hebraic Jews; in Philippi, Euodia and Syntyche had such a disagreement Paul had to call for intervention; the Galatians were “biting and devouring each other;” the Corinthians argued over which former preacher was best; even Paul and Barnabas had such a sharp disagreement about the wisdom of taking John Mark on another missionary trip that they parted company.

If the congregations who heard sermons and received letters from apostles had conflict – and even apostles themselves were sometimes in conflict – we should not expect the congregations we serve today to be free of it.

Churches of all sizes have conflict, but it is felt more acutely and has more effect in smaller churches. In a large church with multiple campuses or even multiple services, persons or even groups in conflict can simply avoid each other. When there are hundreds or thousands of people in a congregation, if a household or two gets mad and leaves, you would hardly even notice.

But in a congregation of fifty people, if one family leaves everyone notices, and 10 percent of the volunteers and perhaps more than 10 percent of the budget goes with them. Not only that, but in a small-town, rural context, the conflict may spill beyond the church into extended families and even the community. The wise pastor in the smaller church will therefore learn how to prevent conflict when possible, intervene in conflict when it does happen, and resolve conflict that does not resolve itself.

Causes of Conflict

Let’s begin by understanding the sources of congregational conflict. While there are a few people who seem to like to spread rancor and conflict, most people involved in a congregational conflict feel like they are defending the faith. Sometimes correctly but more often somewhat distortedly, they do believe they are contending for what is good for their congregation and the Kingdom.

Everyone wants to see their congregation make progress. The question is, “What constitutes progress?” As one person said, “I’m all for progress; it’s change I don’t like.” We tend to view progress as change in a direction we favor – change that benefits us or ours. It is much harder for us to support change that does not benefit us, especially if it inconveniences us or threatens our perceived status.

Consider the person in the congregation whose “ministry” has always been to bring the donuts for Sunday fellowship time. As the congregation gets more health conscious, fewer and fewer people are eating donuts, so the decision is made to stop serving donuts. Now the person who always brought the donuts is thinking, “My role in the Church, in the Kingdom of God, is to bring donuts. If the Church no longer needs donuts, do I have a place in the Kingdom anymore?” Sure it is bad theology, but from that person’s view, the change others welcome is threatening to both social status and maybe salvation.

On the other hand, you also have those who see staying the same as a threat. Most see a need to do something better – to make visitors feel more comfortable, to show the love of Christ to the community in new ways, to provide more opportunities for growth. Conflict can arise if the congregation changes too slowly. Some people like to move the furniture around just to see how a new arrangement works. They like new foods and new styles and to sing new songs. They like to experiment. If the congregation doesn’t do enough new things, they get restless and annoyed and accuse others of being lazy or not wanting the church to grow.

Both innovation and stagnation can be sources of conflict, but those who oppose either of them feel they are doing it for the good of the church.

“Both innovation and stagnation can be sources of conflict.”

Preventing Conflict

The easiest way to deal with conflict is to prevent it before it starts, and a good church leader will think about how to do so. A lot of conflict prevention has to do with understanding and respecting a decision-making process.

“The easiest way to deal with conflict is to prevent it before it starts.”

In any smaller congregation – but especially those in rural cultural contexts – decisions are made by consensus. That means that everyone has to understand what the issues are and why a change is being proposed. Take the time to talk to each person, family, or group individually, to be sure they understand, to answer questions, and to listen respectfully to any objections or concerns they have. This provides the opportunity to either allay those concerns, or it may save you from making a mistake if their concern is valid and one you had not considered. When everyone has all the information and a chance to be heard, making a decision is far less likely to cause conflict.

A second key principle for preventing conflict is to allow time for theological preparation. Often, a group of church leaders will spend weeks or months studying the Bible and discussing the theology involved in a change before reaching a decision, then announce to the congregation they are making the change next week. The congregation is blindsided, not having had the time to study, reflect, ask questions, and let the Holy Spirit work in their hearts – similar to the way the leaders have. To respect the congregation, a wise leader will spend some time from the pulpit, in small group discussions, in newsletter articles, and other opportunities examining the relevant scripture passages with the congregation, and the more significant the change, the longer that process needs to take.

The third principle that will help prevent conflict is a persuasive and diplomatic presentation of the issues. The pastor may not always be the best person to communicate with every person or group in the congregation. Other leaders, even informal leaders, may have the ear of a particular household or group in a way the pastor never will. Trust others to communicate the needed change and explain why they are in favor of it.

When people feel they have been respected, that a proper process has been followed, and their concerns and questions have been heard, far less conflict will arise from decisions that lead to congregational change.

Intervening in Conflict

No matter how much you try to prevent conflict, it will still sometimes come into the congregation. Occasionally this will be from someone who, although you have done all you can to prevent conflict, still objects to a decision strongly enough to voice opposition and work against the direction the congregation has decided to go. Personal jealousies, perceived slights, and threats to status can cause tension between church members.

More often, however, conflict comes into the congregation from something that happens outside. Some sort of personal conflict arises between two church members related to business or family that would not be a church conflict were not both parties members of the same church. But since they are, the conflict comes into the church. Perhaps groups in the church support different positions on a political or social issue, and both believe the church should support their position. There is no shortage of ways conflict can into the church. So, what do you do when it does?

A natural tendency when conflict appears is to avoid it, but that is the worst thing a leader can do. As soon as you become aware of a conflict in the church, address it. If the conflict is between you and another person, go to that person immediately (Matt. 5:23-24; 18:15-17). If between two others, speak to each separately and encourage each to speak with the other. The longer conflict festers unaddressed, the more people are drawn into the conflict, and the harder it is to resolve.

"A natural tendency when conflict appears is to avoid it, but that is the worst thing a leader can do."

When you have a conversation, focus on issues, not personalities. Attack the problem, not the person. Listen more than you speak and try to understand why the other party (or each of the parties, if you are trying to mediate) is upset. Finding a course of action both parties embrace, or at least getting them to agree to disagree while still maintaining a harmonious relationship as Christians, is the goal.

In the process of intervening in conflict, involve as few people as possible – ideally, just the persons actually in the conflict. Conflict between members of a smaller church is usually obvious to everyone, and often people want to discuss the conflict with everyone but those who are conflicted. This leads to people taking sides, groups forming, and the conflict spreads beyond personal and becomes group conflict.

Not all conflict can be prevented, but when it does occur, the damage can be minimized by intervening as quickly as possible, focusing on the issue, and involving as few people as possible.

Resolving Conflict

In most cases, intervening early in a conflict will result in restoration as the people involved find a solution that suits everyone, or at least agree to disagree on a friendly basis. Sometimes, however, that doesn’t happen. Even if the conflict is temporarily suppressed, it emerges again in some later issue as the parties identify each other as enemies not only of themselves but of the church. Persons in such conflict nearly always feel that they are defending the faith and the other person is now evil.

“Persons in such conflict nearly always feel that they are defending the faith.”

There are still some steps leaders can take at this point. If one party is clearly in the wrong, you can confront that party with the evidence of the wrong, which will likely lead to them leaving the congregation. Unfortunately, this also may lead to others leaving. Leaders may need to allow or even require this to happen. Often, those who leave as “collateral damage” will return in a few weeks or months. A pastoral responsibility is to try to keep lines of communication open and try to keep all parties in a church, even if not the same church.

At every step of the process, leaders should be in prayer – that conflict can be prevented through respect, following an expected process, and clear communication; that hearts will be softened and intervention in conflict will result in a prompt and thorough reconciliation; and that even if parties go their separate ways, they will stay connected to Christ and His Church, and that future reconciliation will happen. Take heart from Acts 15:36-40. Even though Paul and Barnabas parted company over whether it was wise to take Mark on another missionary journey, they both continued in their church work and – years later – Paul would admit that Mark was useful for ministry (2 Tim. 4:11).

Barney Wells, Director of the Fred Craddock Center for Preaching Excellence at Johnson University, was a longtime country church pastor.

Barney Wells on Jun 8, 2026

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